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All reviews - Movies (7723) - TV Shows (10)

A very bad movie

Posted : 14 years ago on 12 January 2011 03:28 (A review of No Retreat, No Surrender)

To be honest, it has been a while since I have seen this flick but since it was one of the most disappointing movies I have ever seen, I’m pretty sure I won’t watch it ever again. Anyway, I remember it very well when I saw the damned thing. Indeed, very early in my life, I started to watch movies obsessively (I was about 12 years old) and I was at first completely fascinated by action movies. Jean-Claude Van Damme was, at the time, one of my favorite actors and I have rented virtually all his movies at the video store. During my young years , I watched this because he was on the cover. Eventually, it turned to be pretty awful. Indeed, it is just a terribly bad movie and, at 12 years old, it was also the first time I felt ripped-off by a movie (Indeed, even though he was shown prominently on the cover, Jean-Claude Van Damme was only 10 minutes in the movie). Apparently, it is considered as Jean-Claude Van Damme's feature film debut as he was only an extra on his previous movies. Anyway, to conclude, the whole thing was just pretty pathetic and I think you should avoid this, even if you like the genre.


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A bad movie

Posted : 14 years ago on 12 January 2011 03:22 (A review of Nowhere to Run)

To be honest, it has been a while since I have seen this flick but since it was one of the most disappointing movies I have ever seen, I’m pretty sure I won’t watch it ever again. Anyway, I remember it very well when I saw the damned thing. Indeed, very early in my life, I started to watch movies obsessively (I was about 12 years old) and I was at first completely fascinated by action movies. Jean-Claude Van Damme was, at the time, one of my favorite actors and I have rented virtually all his movies at the video store. So, when I heard that Van Damme was coming up with a new movie, I went to see the damned thing in the movie theater when it was released. Well, it turned out to be of one Van Damme’s worst effort. I mean, imagine the guy playing a romantic lead... Sure, we should praise him for trying something else but when you are an actor with some rather limited acting skills, you should pretty much stick to what you are good at. To conclude, the whole thing was just pretty pathetic and you should definitely avoid it, even if you are a die-hard fan of Jean-Claude Van Damme.


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A very bad movie

Posted : 14 years ago on 12 January 2011 03:17 (A review of Freddy Got Fingered)

To be honest, I wasn’t expecting much from this flick and I watched it mostly because there was Drew Barrymore in it (it was a very small part eventually) and I was also curious to see what was the fuss about with this movie. In fact, there were a few good things (honestly!) but they were completely lost in a vast ocean of not funny/stupid/despicable/nauseating/awful ideas (I don't dare use the word "jokes" here...)... Indeed, the whole thing was just a terrible mess which tried to be funny, controversial and offending but it never succeeded in any of those registers. Somehow, it reminded me of the work of the Farrelly brothers but even though their movies are sometimes pretty average, they never reached such a low level. Basically, back then, they tried to make some quick buck following Tom Green (short) fame and they were rewarded by this major turkey. Since then, it has been a while since I have heard of Tom Green (even Drew Barrymore dumped him pretty soon afterwards) and his career might be dead for good which wouldn’t be a bad thing. To conclude, this movie is just completely terrible, it is a real piece of turd that should be avoided at all cost.


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A very bad movie

Posted : 14 years ago on 12 January 2011 03:07 (A review of Return to the Blue Lagoon)

Back in the 80’s, ‘ The Blue Lagoon’  was a minor classic, in the sense that it was nothing really amazing but many people (like my wife) actually loved it. I must admit that in spite of its utter cheesiness, there were some elements that actually worked pretty well so, even though I didn’t really like it, I couldn’t completely dismiss it. However, this sequel was a totally different kind of ball game. Indeed, even if the original had some undeniable qualities, this sequel was just downright terrible. Indeed, it is basically the same story but when in the first time around it was far from being realistic, the second time around it was completely unbelievable, stupid and pretty pathetic. I mean, one of the children was the son of the castaways from the original film and they end up on the exact same island! The main (and only) attraction was Milla Jovovich who was just 15 years back then (it was her second movie). She did what she could with this material and I don’t think she should be blame but it is probably the worst movie she has made during her whole career. To conclude, it is just yet another pathetic sequel to an already average movie and it is definitely not worth a look, even if you loved the first installment.


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A very bad movie

Posted : 14 years ago on 12 January 2011 02:56 (A review of Shark Bait)

There was a day when we still had a DVD renting shop nearby, it is now long gone since everyone would rather download free movies instead of renting DVDs for a ridiculously high price. Anyway, I'm a big fan of animated movies and since I have 3 kids, I watch a lot of animated movies. Back then, I rent all the good movies and, at some point, we just had to watch the rest (I'd rather watch a bad movie than no movie at all. It might sound stupid but that's the way I roll...). Unfortunately, some were just really bad and this one must have been the worst of them. Basically, it is a total rip-off of 'Finding Nemo', expect that it is ugly as hell and, above all, completely boring to watch. I have to admit that (very) young kids might actually enjoy it but I think we shouldn't take advantage of their enthusiasm to watch anything. I mean, there are so many great animated or not family features out there, do them a favor and skip this one. To conclude, it is honestly one of the worst animated movies I have ever seen and it is not worth a look whatsoever, even if you have some young kids (just show them anything made by Pixar).


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A very bad movie

Posted : 14 years ago on 12 January 2011 02:47 (A review of Son of the Mask)

Obviously, I wasn’t expecting much from this flick but, eventually, I always end up watching those really awful flicks just to check if there are indeed as bad as they seem to be. On top of that, my step-son has some kind of obsession with sequels so we just had to watch this flick at some point. Anyway, it indeed lived to its reputation and the whole thing was competely moronic and not entertaining whatsoever. It’s interesting to point out that many successful comedies starring Jim Carrey got some sequels or prequels without involving him whatsoever (see also ‘Evan Almighty’, ‘Dumb and Dumberer: When Harry Met Lloyd’) and those 3 flicks were all terribly misguided and some major flops at the box-office. To be honest, I have always had a weak spot for ‘The Mask’, even though it was nothing really revolutionary, it was a fun and very well made flick and, considering the material, there was definitely some potential for at least one decent sequel. Apparently, Jim Carrey was in fact offered up to $10 million to come back in a sequel but he turned it down because he thought that reprising a character was not challenging enough… Anyway, to conclude, this flick was just abysmal, it is probably one of the worst sequels ever made and it is definitely not worth a look.


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A very bad movie

Posted : 14 years ago on 12 January 2011 02:44 (A review of Volle maan)

If I remember correctly, I saw this flick in the first years I moved to the Netherlands. My wife made me watch this... In the Netherlands, some people wonder why almost no Dutch people watch Dutch movies but this movie is just the perfect example why. I mean, in my own personal opinion, it was a totally uninteresting and boring story with a bunch of soap stars. Back then, I didn't know them at all but now, when I check the cast, I notice there was many upcoming young actors who are all pretty famous nowadays in the Netherlands (Daan Schuurmans, Georgina Verbaan, Cas Jansen, Ellen Ten Damme, Michiel Huisman, Chantal Janzen, Lieke van Lexmond). Of course, if you don't live in the Netherlands, those names don't sound familiar at all but anyway... A part from this, it is pretty much worthless, I'm afraid. Of course, you could argue that I take this movie too seriously and you might be right, but even as shallow entertainment, it remains still pretty terrible and pathetic. To conclude, it is just a terrible flick and you should avoid it, even if you are interested in Dutch movies.


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A very bad movie

Posted : 14 years ago on 12 January 2011 01:32 (A review of Flying)

To be honest, even though I knew it was a rather obscure flick, I didn’t know it was that so completely unknown. Indeed, it is one of the very few movies for which I’m actually the only Listal user who has ever rated it. Apparently, it was one of the very first movies starring Keanu Reeves and the whole thing was just really pathetic. Basically, I have found somewhere this DVD for only 1 euro and I thought why not ? I thought it could be fun to see a very young Keanu Reeves. Well, it turned out to be a huge mistake... In fact, the whole thing was some kid of very bad 'Flashdance' rip-off. The funny thing is that 'Flashdance' was not even a really good movie, so imagine a rip-off... I mean, since 'Flashdance' was dealing with dance so you had some decent dance scenes but, here, it was dealing with gymnastics so, instead of some cool dances, you get to see some really pathetic and boring training montages supposing to be exciting/inspiring/whatever. To conclude, the directing and acting were just terrible, the whole thing was just completely tedious and you should pretty much avoid it, even if you are a die-hard fan of Keanu Reeves.


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A very bad movie

Posted : 14 years ago on 12 January 2011 01:26 (A review of Kapitein Rob en het Geheim van Professor Lupardi)

Honestly, I wonder how I ended up watching this flick… I mean, since I have been living in the Netherlands, I have been watching many Dutch movies, even some Dutch family features from time to time. Indeed, there is a huge market for Dutch movies for kids, in my opinion, because young kids can’t watch foreign movies because, in the Netherlands, they don’t dub movies in Dutch so as long as they can’t read fast enough, children can watch only Dutch productions. So, many of these are usually quite successful but most of the time I usually find them really average. So, even though I wasn’t expecting much with this one, it still was very disappointing and it is probably the worst one I have seen. I mean, honestly, the story, the characters, the directing, everything was just terrible and the whole thing was just really boring from the beginning until the end. Apparently, it was an adaptation of a rather obscure Dutch comic-book figure, a character pretty much forgotten nowadays in the Netherlands, and eventually, nobody went to see this flick which was a flop. To conclude, it is pretty bad and you should probably avoid it, even if you are interested in Dutch movies.


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An average movie

Posted : 14 years ago on 12 January 2011 01:02 (A review of Hot Shots! Part Deux)

When I was a kid I saw the trailer for 'Hot shots' and it seemed to be really funny but I missed it. However, I was able to see this sequel in the movie theater when it was released. Honestly, it turned out to be a massive disappointment. Even though I was maybe only 12 years old when I saw it, I was still able to see how stupid and moronic it was. To be honest, looking back on the damned thing, I have to admit that it was maybe not as awful as I thought but the point is that I really didn’t like it and I didn’t think it was funny at all. I know it is supposed to be stupid but, honestly, the whole thing just bored me to death. Maybe if I re-watch it nowadays, I would enjoy it more (since I have seen most of the movies they are making fun of which wasn’t the case at the time) but, somehow, I highly doubt it so it is rather unlikely to happen. To conclude, even though I have seen worse since then, it still is in my opinion a very weak comedy and I don’t think it is really worth a look, except if you are a huge fan of the genre.


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